I've been saying this for years, but now I actually have proof. My head is not just a hat rack, people! There is, in fact, something inside. It may be pea-sized and rather dusty, but I have a brain! I think I might even go so far as to say I'm a genius. Why? I'll tell you.
A couple days ago after we had our 15-hour 'On-our-knees-but-not-in-a-good-way' day of putting in tile, I had the arduous task of grouting the 400 12x12 tiles. Normally, I don't think it would be so bad, but slate is very uneven and not uniform in any way (different thickness, different sized tiles) Plus there are so many little nooks and crannies that grouting proved to be very frustrating. I slogged away for several hours and made very little progress.
(This is where the infomercial part starts)
Are you tired of plopping down messy grout and then spending hours cleaning off the excess? Are your arms ready to fall off from all that scrubbing? Do your knees hurt from last Saturday when Sam bent....wait...no, that's not right.
Anyway, listen up!
Invented by a quiet genius (that's me) way up in the armpit of Alaska, and made specifically for those do-it-yourself homeowners it’s: That Crack Sack!
So I was scrubbing away at the grout and thought 'there must be an easier way to do this' and 'what the hell am I going to have for lunch' when it came to me.
I filled a big Ziploc bag with grout and snipped off the end. Voila! The Crack Sack was born. Now I can squirt the grout right into the cracks with precision and very little mess, which means very little clean up. Is that good or what???! (Johnny H may think he had something to do with this but he didn't.)
So here are some helpful tips on using the Crack Sack followed by ordering information for this one-time offer.
1. Don't overfill your crack
2. Watch for air in the bag, it makes for messy farts from the hole
3. Be gentle and patient
4. Don't squeeze the sack too hard; your hands will get tired
5. Massage the sack from time to time to keep the goop moist
Ok that's enough of that.
Somewhere in the Yukon, Babs M's head is exploding.
So, the Crack Sack. Good for grout, great beyond doubt! Yeah!
To order your Sack send cheque or money order for $5,000 to:
212 Cherry Tree Lane
The Crack Sack is available in all 50 states with the exception of Alaska and Hawaii. And North Carolina. And Kansas, Denver, Arizona, Florida, New York. It is also not available in any state starting with the letter W. Or ending in the letters IA. It's not available in Canada. Or Mexico.
Void where prohibited. Member FDIC. Supplies are limited. May cause drowsiness. Or insomnia. Dry mouth. Wet mouth. Diarrhea. Constipation.
BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE! Order in the next 10 minutes and you get this handy children's toy absolutely free! Occupy the kiddies while you're using your Crack Sack. It looks the same, but it's different. ORDER NOW!